


Crocodile Tears

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Bromance, Depression, Feels, Fluff, Friendship, Lance (Voltron) Has Anxiety, Langst, Multi, Self-Doubt, Space Dad Shiro (Voltron), Space Mom Allura (Voltron), Teenagers, angsty, coran coran the handsome man, description of feels, hunks friendship will not be forgotten, keith being nice maybe, klance, klangst, space
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-10-22 14:16:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10698741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: After losing an intelligencer of the Galra, frictions start to form between the Paladins of Voltron . Trying to keep the balance between them, they all try too hard until a certain event causes them to wake up after all.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first fanfiction and since I am not a native speaker, I would be glad if you could point out mistakes I made. Thank you for reading!  
> I don't want to spoil about the relationships so I'm just gonna have all the tags up until the end ;)  
> Also, chapters might take some time until updated

The waves violently crashed against the shore as meteoroids began falling down from the sky right into the endless blue ocean. Every rock, fiery after entering the planet’s atmosphere, which hit the surface of the cold water made a hissing noise just as if it was alive seconds ago before being swallowed by the darkness and getting locked up in the depths of the sea forever. Where the meteors made landfall, they inflamed every tree, every blade of grass which could be found on the granular shore. A place, so far from earth and yet so alike, such a familiar view, yet bittersweet. How could one possibly not end up missing the feeling of sand between one’s toes, the water embracing these and the freedom that comes with prior? How could he, one who basically grew up in the ocean, not be tempted to simply jump into the welcoming blue, forgetting about all his burdens, act like a child again and listen to the distant cheers of his family as he swam farther than any children his age would, intoxicated with the freedom and safety the water would offer him?

  
Gosh, he was getting melancholic again. It was not the first time they encountered a planet which held an ocean and surely not the first time he was getting distracted by thoughts about his family and their home in Cuba, but this time it had hit Lance really hard. The homesickness. Again. He knew about it since his first class trip, everyone would call him a crybaby as he confessed to their teacher that he would rather return home than stay there. Being in space depicted a more complex problem to it and he still hadn’t found a solution to switch off the feelings he had.  
„Lance, are you there? Lance?!“ Shiro’s vioce interrupted his thoughts which he was kind of glad about. „Yeah, I hear you!“ He tried to fully concentrate on the fight against the galra leader again, but the nagging feeling would always return, making it hard for him to breathe and blur his sight. He saw the Galra and he knew exactly what to do, even before Shiro’s words made his way through the com. „Freeze him!“ Lance aimed at his enemy and as Blue fired the ice beam, the lion got hit by a massive meteoroid, which ended in it staggering and missing it’s original aim by a few centimeters. Instead the ice beam hit the green lion, which, due to the ice covering ist joints, got hit by a new wace of meteoroids. „Lance, what are you doing?!“ Pidge screamed as her lion began to fallfrom the sky. „Everyone, go, try to help Pidge! Watch out so you won’t get hit by the meteors!“

  
„I got you, buddy!“ Keith’s voice could be heard through the com as he melted the ice covering the lion‘s metal. A sigh of relief from Pidge was the next thing which could be heard as she regained control and dodged the next swarm of meteoroids. „The Galra! He’s gone!“, Hunk stated and indeed, he was gone. „Oh great.“, Keith mumbled. „Paladins, retreat to the castle!“ Allura’s voice could be heard as they flew back to their hangers. Nobody said a word during the flight .  
Back in the castle Lance joined the other Paladins at the bridge, well aware that they would scold him for missing the Galra and therefore ruining the chance of getting information about Zarkon. As soon as he entered the room he heard Shiro calling: „Lance, could you please come here? I have to talk with you about earlier.“ He felt overly tense and his hands were sweaty. He knew he had messed up. He knew he just ruined one of the biggest chances of their lives, he knew the moment he fired the ice ray and he knew right now. It was not the feeling of worthlessness that made him shiver, but the knowledge that he had disappointed his friends, even almost killed them. He did not want to see the looks on their faces, exhausted, hopeless, blaming. Sometimes he wished he actually was the fool the others saw in him, the clown not being smart enough to recognize the consequences of his deeds and the annoying cargo pilot. Just a boy from Cuba, nothing more and nothing less.

  
„Lance?“, Shiro spoke softly and he looked him in the eyes. It was true that Shiro was a bit older than the other Paladins, but right now with those tired eyes and stiff facial expression, yet forcing himself to smile, he looked like he was 100 years old. Lance could not endure the guilt when looking at the exhausted Shiro, so he lowered his eyes and analyzed the floor’s structur while Shiro continued to talk: „Well, I know that you are homesick, Lance, and I know how bad it can get, especially when you are around something that reminds you of earth a lot, like the ocean, but you got to understand, that it is very dangerous to be distracted like that in a fight. It is not only dangerous for you, but also for your fellow Paladins, as you might have seen today when you hit Pidge with your ice ray. If she had fallen into that highly acidic water she would have not only died, but died a painful and slow death, while these meteoroids would have not been difficult for you to dodge. Imagine the damage that could be done if you got homesick in our fight against Zarkon. It would be easy for him to take control of the blue lion and wreck the whole universe. Do you get my point?“ Lance nodded, but at the same time felt anger rising up. Shiro treated him like a small child, treated him as if he would understand nothing at all. He might not be the most intelligent of them all, that’s true, but he was not that dumb. Not as dumb as the Lance they knew.

„You do realize that you not only froze me up, but also threw away the possibility to gain information about my familiy’s abidance and about Zarkon’s weaknesses? I mean if we had caught the leader of a Galra troop we could have drawn all the necessary information from his brain and had a big advantage plus the possible whereabouts of my family. You know I kind of expect an apology.“,Pidge interfered and positioned herself right in front of Lance.He was getting angrier with every word, but not at Pidge, more at himself for messing up. Again. As always. He did not contribute to the team in any way and he highkey wondered why Blue had chosen him out of all persons in the entire universe. He was not special in any way, just average or even below average and there was nothing he was good at that could help them fight an alien emperor. Sure, he claimed himself to be the teams sharpshooter, but he was the only one to look at it that way. Honestly, he could not even hit an alien if it stood right in front of him; most of the shots that had succeeded were pure luck and not skill and he did not even start about piloting.

„Even if we had captured that Galra, we wouldn’t have heard any information from him! Don’t you remember what happened when we tried to get information out of Sendak?! He almost took down the castle and not even Shiro was able to beat him! It would have been a catastrophe again! So you should be thankful I-„ Keith did not let him finish his sentene, but instead grabbed his collar and pulled him closer as he screamt, shaken by anger over Lance’s arrogance: „Do you even hear yourself talking right now? Of course it would have been a success if you hadn’t messed up again! This Galra was way weaker than Sendak and even if he had broken out, we would have been able to beat him! Do you know how Pidge feels right now? She was so close to finding out where her family is and even if the Galra did not have any information, we would have at least tried! And maybe found out something important, which could have lead to an end of this war sooner! Don’t you always say you miss earth and your family that much? Then why did you just give in to your stupid feelings when you were about to get a step closer to earth? They probably don’t even mean that much to you if you just throw away such a chance, a chance for us all! Are you sure you are even fit to be in Voltron? Let’s face this: You haven’t taken this serious. Not one time. And-„ „Keith, enough! Stop this! What has gotten into all of you?!“ While Shiro kept on upbraiding Keith, Lance fought back tears. He was right. He knew that Keith was right about him, but he was definitely wrong about his family. He did not even know the feeling of having a family to lose and to miss when he has never had one.

  
Just as Lance was about to spit hatred, Hunk started talking: „Guys, calm down, everyone, it has been a long and rough day and I agree with you that it might be infuriating that we have lost the Galra leader, but you’re being too harsh to each other! How about I’ll make us all some food and we just talk about it when we have rested and eaten a bit?“ While saying these words, Hunk laid one of his hands on Lance’s shoulder to signalize him that he was on his side and would support him the best he could without enlarging the gap between the Paladins. Lance gave him a little smile to show his gratitude, just as he always would back at Garrison when Iverson would tell him he was a replacement for Keith alone and nothing more. Even the cargo would be scared with him as a pilot. „I do agree with Keith though.“ Pidge’s voice was sharp and it gave Lance creeps to hear her talk like that. „I think it’s a great idea, Hunk! Let’s just all get a little rest and then we’ll eat something, alright guys?“, Shiro tried to conciliate and much to his relief everyone agreed, even if some of the answers sounded a little grumpy. Everyone was still overheated and stressed from the intense battle and the argument between the Paladins put them over the edge as each of them dragged themselves to their room. Shiro watched Lance as he shuffled to his room with sagging shoulders, not sure whether or not he should talkt o him about it. _Oh well, it is Lance, he will be over it in a few hours and join them again at the dining table. It was just the fight that put him down._ Also, even if he was their leader, Shiro could not always be awake and care for their team. He already did his best, but he was just a normal human being, which needed to eat and rest just like the others. He decided it would be the best to take a nap for a few minutes before helping Hunk cook dinner.

  
After arriving in his room, Lance immediately fell onto his bed and felt tears roll down his cheeks, vicious stings in his heart and the pounding in his head. The pain made him moan and he shoved his hand under to pillow just to find an empty bottle of pills. He needed to ask Coran for new ones since he had migraine quite often. Must be the unusual amount of oxygen in the air in the ship, it seemed to be lower than on earth. Of course, since the last time they got fresh air in here had been months ago.

_Maybe Keith was right. Maybe I’m just not cut out for being a Paladin. Like, what even can I do in the fights against the Empire? I can shoot ice rays, but who guarantees, that I won’t miss again and hit one of my friends during an intense battle? Are they even my friends? Am I their friend? What am I to them? Not the mechanic. Not the leader. Not the genius. Not the pilot prodigy. Not the sharpshooter. Not the kind one. Not the intelligent one. Not the impulsive one. Not the calm one. The annoying one. The kid who always tries, but who will never be good enough. The replacable one. The nobody one. He hunched with pain, pain that felt like thousands of needles piercing through his heart. Yeah, he was the one. The one nobody needed. The placeholder. The first paladin to fail his duty._

  
The rooms were not too soundproof, so he gave his all to hold back his sobs, but it only made his throat and his head hurt. He would ask Allura if she could make the rooms more soundproof, so the chance of someone hearing him would decrease drastically. The chance of him bothering the others would decrease. The chance of annoying them would decrease. But he would not ask today; Allura and Coran had tons of work to do with repairing the castle and the particle barrier. They would not have time to worry about him anyway. Nobody would. So he would remain silent and smile on, that’s what he had always done; at home, when his mom and dad came back from work, stressed, tired, and would yell at him for no reason, simply because he was the oldest sibling and was supposed to bear the responsibility for his younger brothers and sisters; at Garrison when the teachers would remind him of how he was a replacement for Keith and that he should be more like him. He could understand them, for his teachers were right and his parents were stressed from work, worrying about how to get the family through another week with the money they make and happy when he left to Garrison, so there would be one mouth less to feed; even though the loans were incredibly high. He understood that he just was not important enough to be worried about by anyone; people like him were more a mere tool than an actual person. There had to be people like him in order to keep the others from collapsing. Others would call him a punchbag, but he saw himself as a vent for them. He loved his family unconditionally, that’s why he would give his best to clean the house and take care of his siblings while their parents were working hard and be their vent in the evening so they could keep on going: he would keep on smiling, just like he always did. Sometimes smiling hurt, it would make his muscles feel like they were torn apart, fiber after fiber, but once he set up his smile it would remain on his face until he was alone again. His face hurting from smiling he fell asleep.

  
„Perfume came naturally from Paris, for cars she couldn't care less fastidious and precise…“ The others were all sleeping, Hunk had checked on them, so now he could sing while cooking. His second favorite hobby was singing and now that everyone was asleep he could finally sing again. He was too shy to sing in front of the others; not only because he thought his singing was not that good, but also because he loved old songs, especially Queen. Lance would always mock him for liking the band back in Garrison, but as soon as a Queen song played his best friend would start dancing and sometimes also sing along, even though he was a horrible singer. He was the only one who had ever heard him sing and Hunk appreciated the little squeaks Lance would make whenever he began singing.

_„Man, why are you even at Garrison, you could be so famous like you know out there in the world, you could be slaying and pick up ladies all the way to make me jelly. And you’re still here?“, Lance would ask him one day. „Yeah, that’s because I actually care about my education and otherwise you would be the only one at Garrison who hasn’t had a single girlfriend yet.“ Once he finished his sentence they both burst out in laughter. „Oh Hunk, we are complete losers, aren’t we?“ Lance would ask while wiping away a tear he had wept from laughing too hard. Hunk would slap him on the back and respond: „At least we’re losers together.“_

Now Lance had changed. He was not sure if it was because he was so far away from home or because of his duties as a Paladin, but his friend had become more serious and isolated. He would always try to start a light conversation how they used to have back on earth and sure, Lance would always join in, cracking jokes and laughing loudly all the way and sometimes being obnoxious, but there was always this kind of darkness lurking in the corners, the kind of darkness Hunk was afraid of because he never had to deal with it. When asking Lance about it, he would simply say that he had a little too much space goo and that he should stop worrying about him. But that darkness was real and even though Lance would not accept it, he knew there was something wrong with him, something that was frightening and scary, so he would slowly turn away from his friend and start heading over to Pidges’s place more often.

  
„Wanna try? You wanna try…“ When hearing Shiro joining in the song with his rough voice, Hunk jumped up a little and Shiro asked immediately if he had scared him. „Nah, not too much, I was just really engrossed in coo- oh god, did I continue singing?“ His face turned red as Shiro laughed and said: „Yes and quiznak, Hunk, you have such a delicate voice! You’re amazing!“ „Thanks, Shiro.“ He turned away as he heard his friend say: „You really don’t have to be ashamed, I love your voice! And I also like that song! Been singing it all the time even though my voice is not half as good sounding as yours.“ „D-Do you wanna go to a karaoke place with me when we’re back on earth?“ As soon as his words left his mouth, he already began regretting them. Of course Shiro would not want to, it was weird to ask such a thing of a friend, it’s usually more of a couple thing- „Yes, I’d love to! Let’s invite the whole team!“ Shiro seemed to be very excited about it and Hunk nodded. Did they just have a bonding moment? Probably. „Oh food is ready!“, he said as he heard the little Pling! of the oven-like thing. Bonding moment over. „I’ll go and set the table.“ Shiro walked out whistling and left Hunk asking himself whether this moment had actually happened or not.


	2. Chapter 2

„Hey, guys, where is Lance?“ „I don’t care, I am hungry and I have work to do, so could we please already start eating?“ „Pidge, I hope you know that you are sounding like a small child right now. Are you still mad at Lance?“ „Of course I am, Shiro! This is just not something I could easily forget about. You know that this Galra could have had important information; also, I thought Matt was your friend so why would you be so calm about this?“ „There is nothing we can do about it now. The Galra is gone and so is the chance. Bad luck. But we need to work together as a team.“ „How am I supposed to work with Lance when he is always the way he is, Shiro? How are we supposed to work as a team if Lance keeps on messing up and not taking this all serious?“ „Keith, I am sure Lance is pretty serious about his duties as a Paladin and-„ „How could you possibly be serious about being a Paladin if you just flirt with every alien you meet? If you just blame every mistake you make on your homesickness and expect to get a special treatment? If you derp around during fights?“ „Guys, I did not make this food so you could let it go to waste because you argue all the time! I am asking you again, does anyone know where Lance is?“ „Probably in his room…“

 

When Lance woke up the first thing he did was check his phone. 3 missed calls from Hunk? Oh God, he was probably late for dinner. Not sure why Hunk would call him instead of simply knocking at his door, he hurried to the bathroom to wash his face and free it from the salt stains on his cheeks the tears had left. He checked the mirror twice to see if anyone would notice he’d been crying, but it was merely visible; only his eyes were a little red. He tried to put on his usual, dorky grin and after a few trials it finally worked.

_Now I have to hurry before Hunk kills me._ There was no bigger way to insult Hunk than to not appreciate his meals; he loved cooking and was almost better at it than at singing. Sometimes Lance craved to hear his voice, to sing him a lullaby when his homesickness got very bad; that’s what Hunk did at Garrison for him, even though he had to promise him to buy some weird spices when he went out to the city. Of course Hunk would cover him and tell Iverson lies about his whereabouts and in the end he would eventually get caught anyway, but Hunk was there to comfort amd laugh with him and sing him lullabies. They were not friends, they were brothers, who would mock each other at times, but still take a bullet for their counterpart. But after they went to space everything started changing. Hunk would detach from him slowly and hang out with Pidge more often, even though they never were not that close.

_Had his friend gotten sick of him? Sick of the spanish sentences that would slip out of his mouth whenever he did not remember that he had to speak English? Sick of his insecurities, sick of his neediness for love? Sick of his jokes? Sick of his appearance?_ Whatever it was that Hunk got sick of, he would do anything to change it, do anything to go back to how it was. And the first part of this was going to join the others at dinner now.

 

„Probably in his room, being the drama queen he is.“ As he heard Keith’s words, Lance started to walk more quietly and slower. Were they talking about him? „Yeah, he can be a real drama queen at times.“, Pidge said, „you know, he knows where his family is and that they are alright and I don’t, but he gets the special treatment from you. It’s just not fair, Shiro. It’s not that I would not like Lance, but sometimes he acts up too much and you support him.“ He heard Shiro sigh. „Is everyone thinking that Lance has privileges?“ „I… I also think you were not hard enough to him when you talked to him about the Galra thing. I am not sure if Lance really has understood what you meant to tell him. Sometimes he is just a little too… childish and lets his homesickness take over to a dangerous degree.“ Hunk. It was Hunk who said these words. Hunk, his best friend, his brother, partner in crime, all the way to hell and back, he was saying that… He was saying that Keith was right about him all along. That not Keith, but himself was the bad guy.

It hurt. It hurt so much, his pulse started racing and his heart beat violently; every beat felt like his heart was trying to break his ribcage and make its way out of his chest. Lance opened his mouth as if he was about to scream, but there was no single sound coming from his mouth, his sight was blurred and subdued; he could not hear what Shríro said, neither what Pidge responded in a sarcastical tone. He needed to get away. Get away from this place, get away before the others saw him, saw that he spyed on them, but his muscles were stiff and he was not able to move.

_Come on, Lance, get up, just get the FUCK up._ Fuck. He hadn’t said that word in a long time, the whole time he had used quiznak, but it was just not as effective to release anger. This one small, but angry word gave him the strength to get up, but his muscles did not obey, so he fell against the wall besides him. Dead scared by the loud noise he made, he began running like hell, get away from this place, he was running, anywhere, not able to think clear or even recognize his surrounding. He acted like a shot deer, trying to get away as fast as possible. Escaping was the only thought on his mind and so he did not wonder how he ended up on the training deck, gasping for breath and almost passing out due to exhaustion. Looking at the stars would calm him and when he closed his eyes he was breathing more steadily, but still feel the vicious stings in his heart.

 

When hearing the loud noise in the hallway, everyone fell silent and started listening closely, but there were no more sounds after that loud one. „Guys, what has just happened?“, Hunk asked, scared by the noise and haunted by thoughts of ghosts or some supernatural power in the castle. They were in a flying alien castle in outer space trying to defeat an evil alien emperor with mechanical lions that had a will of their own and were able to form a giant warrior robot, so why wouldn’t there be ghosts as well? „It could have been anything. The mice, Lance, a technical fault, an enemy, anything.“, Keith pondered with his bayard already drawn.

„Alright, you know what guys? I am done eating, I am going to look for Lance. If there really is any danger in the castle, he wouldn’t be able to defend himself and I also need to scold him for missing out one of my new recipes, which was in fact very tasty.“, Hunk said. Everyone nodded and when Pidge and Keith were about to leave, Shiro stopped them. „Our conversation has been kind of interrupted earlier, but I think, you two still have some time to spend on discussing the matter?“, he asked smiling. Both his comrades agreed even though they did not look too happy. „Well, then let’s close the door.“ Before they could protest the heavy doors had already snap shut.

 

Breathing heavily, Hunk ran down the corridor and shouted Lance’s name. Even though he had gained stamina through their fights and training sessions, Hunk was still a slower runner and out of breath faster than any of the others. Even Pidge would last longer than him during training, which was embarrasing, but still not as bad as it was back on earth. Back then everyone would make fun of him because he had always been the person with the worst grades in PE. Lance always had his back and told the others to leave him alone since an engineer did not need stamina. He would be reapairing stuff and not run marathons. Iverson would always be near exploding and making them both do extra work shifts, but they had each other.

He knocked at the door of Lance’s room and when no one answered he simply entered. There were no lights on so he just assumed that Lance was not here. Sleeping at that time of the day would be unusual for his friend, as he would always stay up late and gaze at the stars or pet his lion. He actually pet Blue, he had seen him do so a few times and it was just way beyond adorable how much Lance cared for his buddy. „Well, gonna look on the training deck.“, Hunk mumbled to himself as he continued running.

 

Lance woke up to the feeling of someone licking over his face. „Oh baby, don’t you think you are being a little to ha- woaaaah!“ It was indeed not a cute alien licking his face, but instead the best member of the crew. Yes, the one and only Kaltenecker. First being shocked by the sight of the cow’s brown eyes looking down at him, he soon began laughing and petting the animal, not thinking about the mental breakdown he had before. Until he heard Hunk call his name. That was the moment he suddenly realized that his thoughts and insecurities had caused ridiculous problems again. Damn it, I’ve definitely got to make up for that. This was one of the worst breakdowns he had ever had; Hunk was the only one who had ever seen his light ones and still thought they were the heavy ones. He had told his friend off after they began to act as Paladins of Voltron and said that it was only a phase and that he would never have these kind of feelings again.

„Here are you, Lance!“, Hunk gasped when he reached him. He must have run. „Uh yeah“, Lance responded, eyes wide open, „did you look for me?“ His friend stared at him. „Of course I did, man! You ran off so fast and didn’t come to eat dinner, even though I tried out my new recipe! So tell me, where have you been all this time? You… I uh… You know when you had these kind of breakdowns back in Garrison? I uh wondered if maybe… like by any chance… you know? Had one of these again?“ Lance couldn’t help but let his jaw drop to the floor.

 

Keith rattled at the heavy metal door and when it didn’t work, tried to break it open with his bayard. „Shiro, what is up with this? Why is that door locked?!“, he shouted angrily and glanced at their leader. „That’s because we are not going to just talk. And you are not going to go anywhere. I saw that both of you were very angry earlier and I am sure it is not only because of Lance’s mistake back then. You see, when people are stressed and can’t relieve their stress somewhere, they will start snapping at everyone the second someone makes either a minor mistake and won’t stop being bitter about it for days. And you two seem to be very overworked. Tell me, when did you sleep through the whole night the last time? You two can’t trick me, even if you cover the dark circles under your eyes with tons of concealer.“ Shiro looked satisfied with himself when saying these words, while Pidge and Keith both were shocked about him finding out.

For Keith it was very weird when he put on concealer for the first time, but he had gotten used to it and thought that he had got everything covered. When Shiro mentioned it, he blushed immediately, no one should have ever found out about him using this stuff. „How did you notice?!“, Pidge suddenly burst out. Shiro looked serious as he said: „You can put on as much make-up as you want to, your slightly slower movements and your eyes will always tell the truth. And also I do know these kind of tricks and let’s be honest, your make-up skills are not that good.“ Pidge exhaled, distinguishable annoyed and asked their leader: „So, now that we have talked about it, can you unlock the door and let us out? I’ve got things to do.“ Shiro shook his head as he answered: „No, I won’t. Also, I don’t have control over the doors, it is Allura who has. She agreed to help me with my plan and she will decide when our training session will be over.“ „So“, Keith asked, „what is your plan?“ „We“, Shiro explained smiling, „will do some stress relief exercises. Come on, I’m going to explain it to you.“

 

Kaltenecker had rested his head on Lance’s lap as he finally caught himself again. The cow probably thought it was a lap dog and sometimes Lance wished his life could be as uncomplicated as the lap-cow’s. „Oh Hunk“, he stated, wearing a dorky grin on his face, „I told you, it was only a phase. You know, the homesickness kind of hit me when I saw the ocean and threw me off the course, but as you can see, I am completly fine and simply forgot time chilling with my homie Kaltenecker.“ Every part of his brain screamt to tell Hunk the truth, but Lance just couldn’t do it, he did not want to be a burden to anyone with his stupid feelings. He had dealt with them alone for so long, so there would’nt be a problem to doing it longer, would there? When he saw Hunk’s relieved facial expression, he decided he had done the right thing. „Y’know, you should hang out with Kaltenecker more often, he is so chill all the time. If he was a chick he’d be a 10 outta 10.“ Hunk laughed, when he answered: „You do not want to hear my opinion on that.“ Lance smiled back provocative. Yes, he had done the right thing.

The sound of metal hitting metal echoed through the dining room when Keith’s bayard hit the gladiator. „Why the dining room? We could have done that on the training deck as well!“ Keith’s voice was loud and snatching. „Because“, Shiro expained, „the training deck is occupied. And also, you are not supposed to hit that gladiator that hard! It isn’t going to fight back anyways.“ Pidge chuckled at him and asked derisively what the sense of the exercise was then, because they could obviously be doing more important things now. „I said that I will explain. You two, go and hit that gladiator with everything you’ve got. Think of everything that stresses you or of someone you hate and imagine you would be hitting it. Scream at it, kick it, beat it.“ Keith protested instantly: „That’s what I’ve been doing the whole time, Shiro!“ The black Paladin exhaled and said: „No, Keith, you fought the gladiator and not your feelings. Also, you used your bayard. I want you to use your own body and get rid of this stress. If you guys keep on staying awake at night and bickering with your teammates, you will sooner or later lose the bond to your lion and we will be unable to form Voltron. Or even worse, so got it? This is very important for all of us.“

The two other Paladins nodded, suddenly very aware of the seriousness of the situation, even if the exercise was ridiculous. Shiro was right and they realized why he had been chosen to be their leader. He knew about the flaws of their teamwork and thought about the long-range consequences when nobody else, except sometimes Allura and Coran, would and be the most mature of them all, even if he was only a few years older. Even the air in the room seemed to be frozen for a few seconds when nobody moved.

Not standing the silence, Keith began running towards the gladiator with a loud battle cry and began beating up ist metal body, which was surprisingly soft, soft enough to not damage his hands, but also hard enough to withstand his punches. Allura must have changed something about the material and he made a note in his head to ask her about it later. Soon Pidge joined in too and they both beat the hell out of the machine, Keith being in a trance until he felt something wet on his cheek and turned his head, just to see the green Paladin crying while hammering her fists against the gladiator’s armor. „God, I miss my brother and my father so much and my mother is alone at home and thinks we are all dead and I hate how Lance is just not serious about our mission and how he does not understand anything and how he makes everything look like it was not a big deal and I hate his stupid grin and how he smiles even if the situation is a complete mess and I hate how I am so helpless when it comes to Matt and I hate him for going on that stupid Kerberos mission and I-„ Pidge’s voice first being steady and then slowly breaking and turning into a sobbing made Keith angry, so angry that he also couldn’t hold back his words anymore, words that have bothered him for too long. „I hate you Lance McClain, I hate every damn part about you always trying to be better than me, I hate how you turn everything into a competition, but do not take fighting serious! I hate how you always smile and flirt with girls and turn everything into one big joke! I hate how you would always check the flight simulator result lists and smile at Hunk even if you got in last place the fifth time in a row! I hate how you always smile aways problems! I hate how you can simply say that you are the best! I hate how you have no doubts in the world! I hate you! I hate that you know who your family is and I hate that you can miss them! I hate that you have a place to call home, a perfect family!“

With every word, Keith felt the anger inside him boiling up more and more, so he kicked and hit the gladiator harder and harder until he suddenly ran out of energy like am empty battery and fell down on the floor, sobbing a little as well. „I hate how I want to be like you.“, he whispered, when suddenly he was being pulled into a hug by Shiro’s strong arms. Their friend hugged both, Keith and Pidge, and Keith could still smell the Altean shower gel he had most likely used before. The red Paldadin acted strange today as he cried on Shiro’s shoulder, but after a few minutes he felt much better, almost like he had been reborn. Pidge seemed to feel the same way as she slowly freed herself from the black Paladin’s hug and smiled at them for the first time in months. The worry lines on her forehead were gone and she looked way younger than before. She actually looked her age.

„Thank you so much, Shiro. But, why were the doors locked in the first place?“, she asked, visbly relaxed. „Oh“, Shiro laughed, „that was just a strategy so you wouldn’t run away before we could even start. And locking the door made the room almost soundproof, so none of the things you said will have consequences. The only one who heard, what you said was me and I will keep it a secret. After all, I am your team leader.“ Keith felt a weird vibe in his stomach, which was not uncomfortable, but rather warm and welcoming and he couldn’t help but smile. Was this the family-feeling everyone always talked about?, he asked himself as he joined into the laughter of the other two Paladins.

 

The feelings he had before were now vanished completly and Lance was back to his old self when he and Hunk walked down to grab something to eat. He was starving and needed something to eat instantly. „Huuuunk!“, Lance whined, „I am hungry as hell, man! I’ll die of starvation!“ His friend shot an obviously amused glance at him before responding: „Yeah, I still remember how concerned I was when you started eating chips and chocolate and stuff around midnight and you simply responded that your siblings never let you eat dinner at home, so you were to eat your fill at night. I totally believed your shameless lie!“ „It was not a lie!“, Lance shouted and gestured while talking, „I was telling the brutal truth!“ When the yellow Paldin looked at him with a look, that held slight signs of worryness, they both started laughing. „You totally fell for it again!“, the blue Paladin snorted with laughter. „Oh c’mer!“ Hunk rumpled up his hair and the laughter of the two boys filled the whole corridor.

Crying tears of laughter he almost bumped into him, but he just noticed the boy standing in the entrance of the dining room. After all you could not simply overlook this red jacket and this stupid mullet. He would recognize those even from a hundred miles away. „Keith?!“, Lance shouted when he saw the red Paladin leaning against the doorframe. He gulped and stopped laughing as he got ready to be blamed by his companion for running off after messing up. „Lance.“ The Paladin pierced him with the look on his grey-blue eyes and slowly walked towards him.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took way too long, but I'm back in the game again :D I made this chapter a bit longer than the others as a small apologize for taking so long to upload something new. I hope you'll like it :)

When he saw Keith’s hand flinging in his direction he ducked and closed his eyes instinctively and opened them again when he did not feel any pain. He saw Keith holding his hand in front of him and looking at him confusedly. „Oh yeaaah“, Lance stated embarrassed „sorry. “ „No, I am uh you know? Are we ok?“, the red Paladin asked. „Yeah“, Lance stated as he shook hands with Keith, „Yeah, we are.“ Keith shyly smiled at him when the Blue Paladin started laughing all of a sudden. „Mullet-head“, he said, „I guess we just had a bonding moment right now.“ „What? When? Where? Nope, don’t remember, didn’t happen!“ When he heard Keith’s response, Lance started pouting playfully. „Oh, c’mon mullet, you still salty because of that? I’m gonna buy you a treat on the next planet that has shops so you forget about it! Worked with the ladies all the time.“ Hunk interfered next: „Which ladies, Lance?“ and nudged him lightly while grinning. His friend was already breathing in enough air to preach to him, but Shiro approached them and waved at the three.

„Hey you guys“, said the black Paladin, „let’s end this conversation here before it gets too explicit!“ „Hey, Shiro! And hey, Pidge!“, Lance shouted at the black Paladin and the green one, who stood next to him. „Hey Lance, I wanted to tell you-„ Lance interrupted her: „Yeah, yeah, I know. Seriously guys, why are you all apologizing to me? It is not like I wouldn’t have forgiven you if you didn’t say sorry. What’s wrong with ya’ll?“ Everyone looked at him concerned and he cringed at it. It was weird to be stared at like this, so before anyone could say a word, the blue paladin started talking again: „Man, I really appreciate you guys and your presence, but I am really hungry right now, so let me through!“ The last of his words were said through clenched teeth as he tried to shove Shiro aside to get through the door into the kitchen, but the other Paladin was too heavy for him, so he tried to go for Pidge. „No way you’re gonna get into that kitchen!“, she stated as she showed him her sly grin, demonstrating that she had something in her mind.

„Hunk! Keith! Help me!“, he shouted as he tried to get through the door with Pidge and Shiro switching places in an almost perfect choreography. He froze a moment when he realized that he asked Keith, his rival, for help, but the doubt vanished the exact moment he saw the two other paladins rush forward to hold the two others in place. „Lance! Now is your chance!“, Hunk yelled as he held Pidge in a tight embrace and Keith gave him a nod while keeping Shiro down. „Yeeeeees!“, the blue Paladin screamed as he ran through the door. „Oh no“, he heard exaggerated and definitely staged exhaustion in Pidge’s voice, „the enemy has taken our headquarter. Retreat everyone!“ Everyone looked at Pidge and started laughing. Lance felt this one feeling in his stomach, that feeling of being loved and family. He has not felt this feeling too often, but he sure as hell loved it. How could he ever doubt those people? Those people who were the exact same as him, being thrown into an intergalactic war, which might as well decide the fate of earth and having to fight over living planets and running from the cops in a mall… Well, the latter was the same on earth.

 

„Paladins! What are you doing? Now is not the time to be joking around! Get to your lions, there is a Galra fighter near!“, Allura gasped when she reached the Paladins. „What?“, Shiro asked. „Again? We already fought one of them recently! How could they find us so fast?“ The princess just shook her head. „It doesn’t matter now. But we will need Voltron!“ Everyone nodded in agreement and Shiro barked commands: „Alright, everyone, get to your lions! We will meet on the open field outside the castle and lure the fighter away! Then we will think about how we are going to defeat him! Alright?“ „Yes!“, the others answered simultaneously. Lance’s voice was a bit shaky and he was unsure whether or not he would make it without having eaten something. But he couldn’t impede the whole team. They would need Voltron to fight. To keep the universe safe. To keep earth safe. There was no time to think about something like eating now. Or at least that’s what he told himself when he sat in the blue lion down and felt his stomach growl. „Let’s roll, Blue!“, he said as he put on his helmet. He felt Blue’s concern inside of his mind, but as she asked him if he was going to be okay, Lance just cut her short and replied softly: „It is going to be alright, sweetie, we just got to make sure not to disappoint Shiro. This time, Galra, you’re ours! Let’s go!“

 

The moment the lions were pulled out of the hangars, the Galra ship already started attacking them and the castle with its laser rays. „This is going to be a rough one! Do all of you have their comm turned on?“, Shiro’s voice cut through the static. „Yes!“, all of the Paladins answered simultaneously. „Okay“, the black Paladin yelled while they dodged the lasers, „Hunk and Lance stay near the castle and protect it! They caught us off guard the moment we left the hangars, but it is only one unit so they should be no problem for Keith and me to handle. Pidge, you use your stealth ability in case the ship is stronger than expected! We don’t know much about the fighter yet and if they have any special weapon, so be focused and ready to form Voltron at any time! Now, let’s split up!“ While Lance made his way to the castle, Hunk dragged behind because of his heavier lion. „I got you!“, the blue Paladin screamed in joy as he aimed at the Galra ship with his ice ray, levitating in front of the still damaged particle barrier. Why didn’t Coran repair it? He usually did and he took any risks to protect the castle and especially Princess Allura. So why not this time? „Hunk, I think something’s wrong!“, he screamed into his comm, but only static answered. „Hunk? Hunk?! Where are you?! Pidge? Shiro? Keith? Where are you all? Stop this, this isn’t funny, really, guys!“ He started panicking when he didn’t see neither the other Paladins nor their lions anywhere on the field nor heard any response. Only static. Where did the Galra ship go? Where did the castle of lions go with its damaged particle barrier?

 

Darkness. Night. Everywhere around him. Where were they? Where was everyone? Did they abandon him? Did they retreat? But why did the Galra vanish too? It did not make any sense, not at all. No matter how useless he might be, Zarkon would at least want to get his hands on the blue lion. So why was everyone gone? „Not everyone is gone, Lance. Look at us, we are here with you.“ As he heard the voice coming from behind he turned around and saw all of the Paladins. They smiled at him and started approaching him. „We are always here for you, Lance. Please don’t ever feel like you’re unwanted.“, Shiro smiled softly as he talked to him. „Even I am here for you.“, Keith whispered and looked him deep in the eyes. Pidge and Hunk stood beside the two others and smiled peacefully and welcoming. „Lance…“, the red Paladin breathed as he fell into the blue Paladin’s arms and pulled him into an intense hug.

 

„Hunk?! Hunk are you there? Keith?! KEITH!“ He woke with a start when he heard Shiro call his name. What had happened?! He would never fall asleep when fighting. Never. How even could he? „Shiro, what has happened?“, Keith asked, voice still drowsy. Shiro sounded out of breath as he responded: „The Galra have developed a psychological weapon. It is similar to a dog whistle; the sound doesn’t affect the Galrans, but only us, making us all drowsy and open our mind to their wizards. Once they’ve made it your mind, they start controlling your dreams and messing with your head. I was their guinea pig for many of their experiments, one of them being this sound. You and I are still awake, but Hunk, Pidge and Lance fell asleep. I hope they’ll make it out.“ „Why don’t we just destroy the ship and kill their stupid wizards to get them out of this mind cage?!“, the red Paladin asked enraged. „Because“, Shiro explained, „if the mage occupying the mind of the person dies, they will try to hold onto the mind of their victim, ramming their claws in it. The worst case can be the total destruction of the person’s mind.“

 

The smell of coffee filled the small kitchen they sat in whenever they ate something and laughter filled the room. Matt, Katie and their parents sat at the small table and enjoyed a family chat. „Mom, there is something I need to tell you. Me and Dad, we will be pilots on the Kerberos mission. We will be the ones to make the earth get a step closer to discovering space’s secrets.“, her brother started talking. „Oh, Matt, Sam, I am so proud of you!“, her mother even wept a few tears of joy. „Congrats! But don’t bring disgrace upon us!“, Katie laughed and gave her brother a pinch.

 

„… and all of the crew members are believed to be dead…“ No. No! NO! This couldn’t be! How could this happen?! No way, there was no way that Matt, her father, that… no, they couldn’t be dead, no, no, no, this couldn’t be! Her ears went deaf and she only made out a few scraps out of all the things the journalist said. Pilot error… She must be lying! That woman in TV must be lying! They were the best, the best out of all the people in the Garrison! No way would they die from a stupid error like this. The Garrison must be hiding something and she, Katie Holt, would not stop unless she found out everything about that damn Kerberos mission! Even if she had to fly to that forsaken planet herself, she would not give up until everything was clear to her.

 

„Let me go! What do you think you are doing? I said let go!“, Katie screamed and drew the attention of the other students on herself, but she didn’t care. „This is no place for little girls! Go outside and play, okay?!“, Iverson snapped at her and pulled her out of the computer room. „No matter what, I’ll find the truth!“, Katie screamed enraged. Iverson smirked at her before he responded: „I’ve banned you from getting in here ever again. Now, get out!“ She tried to fight the Garrison employee grabbing her arm tightly and pulling her out, but she stood no chance against a full-grown adult. „Don’t ever set foot in here again!“

 

„We’re not letting you through. We have an order to stop you whenever you try to enter the property of Galaxy Garrison, Katie Holt.“ „I don’t know this Katie Holt you’re talking about! I am Pidge Gunderson, a student of the Garrison! Now please let me through, I need to go in there! I made it through the entrance exam! Look, here!“ The security guards looked at her with a glance of pity in their eyes. „Look, kid, we really do not want you to get in trouble, but if you keep up infiltrating our premises, we will have to arrest you. So go back to your mother now and never come back again.“ No. What was happening? She needed to find out about her family. There were no signs of a crash on the video material anywhere. They might still be alive, no, they must be alive! „I said LET ME THROUGH!“, Katie screamed as she tried to tackle one of the guards.

„Alright, this is enough! You are going to be arrested, kid, you are insane and dangerous!“ „N0!“, Katie screamed as the guard held her down and put handcuffed her. No. She wouldn’t let it end this way. This was not her way of doing things. Leaving them unfinished. Not her style. She felt a weird heat in her stomach and tried to get up. The guard was heavy and almost broke her spine, but she couldn’t give in like this. There wouldn’t be any worse penalty for her anyway, so why should she stop fighting? Just when she pushed the guard off her back, everything went black, then a bright flash flickered through the darkness and cut it open. She found herself sitting in the green lion, clinging to the control panel.

 

„Pidge? Pidge, are you awake?“, Shiro held himself back to not scream since he didn’t want to scare the green Paladin right after she woke up, but he just couldn’t hold back the relief he felt when he saw the green lion moving again. „Roger.“, he heard Pidge’s tired voice. „So, now everyone except for Lance and Hunk is awake, aren’t you?“, he heard Keith ask through the comm. „Hey, I am awake too!“, Hunk protested loudly. „Oh thank God“, Shiro’s tenseness started to fade, „I have an idea. Now that four of us are awake again, the Galra will start attacking again, but we can’t just go on and destroy their ship, otherwise we would risk Lance getting seriously damaged. Keith and I will infiltrate the Galra ship and try to interrupt the magic. Hunk, Pidge, you distract them. The sound will not affect you for the next half hour, this is their biggest weakness. Let’s go, everyone!“

 

The body of the red Paladin felt warm, so warm and soft. He felt like family, smelt like family and Lance had the feeling he could lose himself forever in this intense embrace. „Lance“, Keith looked him in the eyes and softly smiled at him, „you have to know that I…“ All of a sudden, Lance felt a sharp pain in his back and screamed out, just to see that Keith’s smile had turned into a malicious grin. „That I have always wanted to do this.“

Lance just looked at him, surprised and horrified and reached for his back just to feel a stinging pain and a liquid streaming out of a deep wound, the knife still stuck in his flesh. „Why…Why, Keith?! Shiro? Hunk? Pidge? Allura? Coran? Somebody? Help! Help me, please!“, he cried out in despair, but nobody seemed to notice him. The others were standing in a circle, chatting and laughing just like they would always do. There was just him, him and Keith sitting on his lap and grinning viciously. „Hey! I don’t like being ignored, you know?“, the red Paladin aggressively stated as he turned Lance’s face violently towards his own. „You are not Keith.“, he said with difficulty, caused by the tight grip on his neck. „Oh“, Keith smiled, „yes, I am. Don’t you know that we Galrans are like animals at times? I am an animal, Lance. And you are my prey.“ The blue Paladin tried to push him off his lap, but Keith just tightened his grip and left Lance having trouble breathing as well as speaking. „Please, Keith“, he barely was able to speak, but he did it anyway. The red Paladin loosened his grip and instead ripped the knife out of his back. „I’ll be needing this now“, he pushed Lance to the ground, „to make you more beautiful“, he held him down, „to make you more like me.“ „No!“, Lance screamed out, „no!“ He screamed as the bloody knife cut through the skin on his chest, not protected by the Paladin armor anymore.

 

„Where its hat damn wizard?!“, Keith coughed breathless. The Galra soldiers were not strong, but there were too many of them. „I honestly don’t know, Keith. But we have already looked through the biggest part of this ship. We will find them.“, Shiro responded. The red Paladin nodded and continued running. They would not leave Lance like that.

 

„Please!“ The blue Paladin was just a red mess by now, but he didn’t die. The puddle underneath him got bigger with every stab, every cut Keith would make with his knife. He felt his thoughts slip away, blinded by pain and not caring anymore. He had given up completely and just rolled with the punches. His mind drifted to Varadero Beach, this magical place in Cuba where he would be swimming and diving during summer vacation and where he would receive warm words and hugs from his mother. When she wasn’t stressed she was such a lovely, nice woman. She apologized, she swam with him and they just had fun. With him and his siblings. But the sky turned gray one day. How? He did not remember this. The sky was never grey here. Maybe it is just something he had forgotten.

The rain began falling, violently, crashing, along with soft hail. In summer season? His family ran back to their car, he walked out in the rain. Feeling the warm sand, still heated up from the sun that was burning down on it a few moments ago, beneath his toes and the cold rain crashing down on his head. The soft hail was cold as it melted under his body’s heat. It felt like a fever dream, but would it feel this real if it really was one? „Lance!“, he heard his mother scream. He slowly turned around, smiling, peaceful, and careless. He saw them. All of them. On the ground. Sand. Red soaking into the sand. The bullet holes on their bodies were so small. So small, but still, so deadly. He collapsed next to his younger brother, who was staring at him with empty eyes, in the sand. He screamed.

 

„Shiro! I found him! He seems to be in some sort of trance. There are soldiers guarding him. What do we do now?“, Keith whispered. „Maybe we should…“ The black Paladin had been interrupted by a snap with the fingers and the sound of metal hitting the ground. Both, Keith and Shiro, looked around the edge and saw the Galra soldiers lying on the floor, not moving anymore.

„You may enter.“ The Paladins looked at each other doubtfully and carefully entered, Keith with his bayard drawn. „Let Lance go.“, Keith yelled at the wizard, but he just kept his eyes closed and ignored him, looking down at them even if he did not say a single word. „Why did you kill the soldiers?“, Keith continued asking, but as Shiro looked at him signalizing to be quiet, he shut up. „Your friend is so much fun to play with, you know? It would be a pity to let him go. Paladins, I killed the soldiers because I want you to watch me kill your friend slowly, ripping him apart from the inside. You know that if you kill me, I will destroy him, but you also know that I will do the same if you spare my life. You will spare my life for sure, because you still have hopes that your friend might find his way back. You humans are so much fun.“ They didn’t know how to respond, so they just kept on not talking. The wizard was right. They couldn’t kill him. But still, they couldn’t just sit around and do nothing. Sit around and maybe lose Lance.

 

Keith felt the anger burning up inside of him, raging through his body, filling every cell with this fire, roasting his insides and keeping him from thinking. His entire body was on fire, set on flames by the words said by this Galra. Eating up every part of his brain, making its way through his nerves, causing his muscles to move, it was not him who was piercing the wizard with his bayard, not him who ignored Shiro’s desperate cries, not him who fell to the ground, exhausted, stressed, but still burning and anyone who would dare touch him would burn to ashes. He felt tired when he saw the Galra soldiers getting into the tiny room, where had they been all the time? He got up, his muscles not obeying his brain and started swinging his sword, brainless, but hitting the enemies, watching them fall down, one after another, falling to the ground, until the fire inside him had died and he laid down next to Shiro, soldiers all around them, but in his world only the two of them existed.

 

His brother awoke, choking him and holding him down. He felt so heavy, even though he probably only weighted half as much as him. „I will never leave you alone“, the younger boy said in a distorted voice and bared sharp teeth in his open mouth. He realized that this was not his brother, this was not his family, none of this had been real from the start, neither the damaged particle barrier nor Keith torturing him. How could he ever believe such a lie? „Get away from me, you monster!“, he screamed as he grabbed his ‚brother‘ by his wrists and threw him off. Lying in the dirt, the skin of his sibling transformed into a deep purple. Galra. He swooped down on him and dug his claws inside Lance‘s flesh. How could the pain feel so real? But maybe… if this was really Lance’s dream, maybe he could also be the one to control it? He reached out his arm and felt the pain of the claws ripping through his muscles. This was not real. This was not real. He chanted these words over and over again like a prayer and closed his eyes, imagining his bayard. When he opened them again he found the gun laying in his hand. „Oh, how great is this, baby“, he smirked as he pulled the trigger, blowing the Galra away.

 

„H-Hey, Lance here, anyone there?“ His voices was still raspy and his back hurt. Guess these are those phantom pain like things people always talk about. Or was it something? He didn’t know and didn’t care right now. „Oh god, you are awake! We thought you wouldn’t make it out!“, he heard Hunk yelling. Was it really that bad? Had he really been sleeping for that long? „Hey, sleeping beauty, you up again?“ Keith. „Yeah, but I’m still waiting for a princess to kiss me awake.“, Lance replied with a grin on his face. „Yep, that’s Lance.“ „Classic.“ „Oh no.“ The voices of the other Paladins overlapped, but he didn’t mind. He made it back. „Guys, tell me what happened while I was asleep.“ Keith responded again: „You missed like the coolest raid of all time. And a lot of hot girls of course. And Allura confessing to you. And-„ „Oh, come on, stop messing with me!“, Lance pouted and the red Paladin laughed. Shiro interrupted their talk: „Alright, we will blow up the Galra ship and then fly back to the hangars. Coran and Allura must be asking themselves what we have been the doing the whole time.“ „Yeah!“

 

When the Paladins got out of their lions, Allura and Coran were already waiting for them. „Paladins! What have you been doing? Why did it take you so long to get rid of that one Galra ship? How-„ , Allura grumbled. „Wow, okay, chill, princess! We were in some quiznaking mind-trap a few minutes ago! Why you gotta be like this all the time?!“, Lance spat back, but then froze, thinking about what he had just said. „I-I’m sorry, Allira, I think I am just a bit-„ „Lance, it would be better for you to go get some rest I think.“ Coran saved him, even though he sounded unpleased. Everyone just stared at him and when he noticed they started looking down. Great. „Y-Yeah, I guess I’ll be getting some sleep now. Sorry, everybody.“ He choked on his own words. Shiro put his hand on his shoulder and nodded at him. He nodded back and finally got to leave the room. When he reached the hallway he started running. He was going to see Kaltenecker and pet him a bit. Cows weren’t as complicated as humans. Or aliens, he didn’t care too much.

 

„He seems to be getting more problematic with the time. I have no idea what’s up with him. But the thing I assumed the most is that he is still stressed from the encounter with the wizard. We don’t know what that magic has shown him. I guess he’ll be back to normal after he got some rest. But we all are still very sorry about his words towards you, princess.“, Shiro apologized. Damn, Lance, you will have to pay at least 2 pizzas for me as soon as we are back on earth. „Yes, I accept your apologize, but I worry about forming Voltron. Will you still be able to do it if he keeps acting up?“, the princess asked them. Shiro grinded his teeth. Okay, 3 pizzas. „I promise that we will be able to form Voltron no matter what.“ With this words, Coran stood up and said: „I think I am going to look after Lance, making sure that he didn’t fall asleep somewhere in the castle.“ After he left, Allura sighed and began talking: „He worries too much, as always. Ever since the day Altea had been destroyed.“ „I understand.“, Shiro said and the other Paladins nodded in agreement. „I don’t think you really do. Maybe I should tell you the story…“

 

Coran knocked at the door of the Paladin’s room. Lance had looked kind of beaten when he left and he, as the royal advisor and tutor of the Paladins was in charge of their health and wellbeing. Also, even if he didn’t like admitting it, the new Paladins have grown dear to his heart, especially Lance when he found out about his homesickness. Talking about Earth seemed to help the blue Paladin and talking about Altea sure as well helped Coran himself. He entered the room without being given any permission and was not even too surprised when he didn’t find Lance in there. Maybe he was in the hangar, talking to his lion. Or gazing at the stars once again. Sighing he made his way to the hangar.

 

The fur of the cow was so soft as Lance continued to pet it. It had rested its heavy head on his lap and fallen asleep. On earth he never cared too much about cows, because honestly? They just were there, delivering milk and beef, but up here in space he was thankful for every piece of earth he had and Kaltenecker was the most earth- thing up here besides the other Paladins. They had grown a strong bond over the time since Lance would often hang out with the cow. Did he also feel lonely at times, when only Coran made his way up to feed it and then left immediately? Maybe he misses earth as much as him, because let’s be real, space is for sure not the right place for a cow and he wondered how it even lasted so long with only food goo and not much space to roam around in the ship. Sometimes he, as a Paladin, felt trapped inside of this big castle too. Even in space he sometimes felt trapped. And sometimes lost. But also, sometimes he felt like this was the place he belonged. While thinking about space and cows and space cows he fell asleep.

 

After not finding lance in the hangar, Coran made his way up to the top of the castle with its glass ceiling. Lying there he found Lance and Kaltenecker, sleeping soundly next to each other. The Altean sighed as he picked up the boy. At least he was getting rest, but not in the right place. He would carry him to his room.

 

When they arrived, Coran’s arms had gone numb from carrying Lance through the castle. But he made sure to softly lay him down on his bed and put a blanket over him. „Good night, boy“, he whispered as he sneaked out of the room trying not to wake the Paladin up. „C-Coran?“, he heard a hoarse voice behind him. „Yes?“, he responded. „Thank you.“ He could hear the smile in Lance’s voice and as he turned around he noticed that it seemed to be different from the smiles he showed throughout the day. More genuine, calmer, calm like the ocean at night. „It is an honor.“, the royal advisor responded, „but sleep now, Lance. We will need you tomorrow and can’t risk you being tired. Good night.“ „Thanks!“ Lance smiled his brightest smile before he laid back down. Just as he was about to leave, he heard Lance call him: „Please wait a moment. I- I want to talk to you about something.“

 

Surprised about his own words, Lance froze. But as Coran looked at him lovingly, encouraging, just like a father, and sat down next to him on the bed, he began talking even if it was hard: „You know, sometimes I feel like I don’t really belong here. Sometimes, when the other Paladins all do those cool or genius things, I just stand beside them and ask myself ‚How am I going to keep up with them?‘ How can I, a simple boy, compete with someone like Pidge, an all-round genius? Or Shiro, the awesome leader and trained soldier? Or Hunk, the master engineer? Or Keith, the pilot prodigy? Keep up with you and Allura, who have so much experience and knowledge? The others all have that sort of thing, but what about me? I have tried to find a talent for so long, but there just isn’t a single thing I’m really good at. Not even at enduring stress or fights between us. I often don’t find the right things to say. I mix up Spanish and English at times. I don’t feel like a chosen Paladin. Not at all. Maybe it was all just a big mistake?“ Coran shook his head and Lance already awaited the speech about how he had to man up and how his complaints and insecurities were ridiculous. „You know, Lance, even if it feels like this for you, the lions were never wrong. I understand that you might feel like this at times, but you do have qualities you just don’t see. You are a great sharpshooter. You want justice. You are like the ocean you have told me about.“ Coran pulled him into a fatherly hug and whispered in his ear: „It will be alright, Lance. Go to sleep now and don’t worry about such things. We won’t judge you.“ The Paladin refused to let go of the older man, his hugs reminded him of his mom’s hugs. But he eventually let go and Coran left. Of course he didn’t understand. Nobody did.


End file.
